he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
