have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
