ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
