I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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