I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
