The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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