So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
