He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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