my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
