Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
