so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
