I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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