I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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