Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
