I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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