I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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