i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
