Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
