I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
