did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
