I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
