Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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