apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
