There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
