Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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