I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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