i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
