Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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