You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
