So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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