i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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