So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
