So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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