did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
