Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
