I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
