I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
this hospital has no fireball
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
