My friends, they love my intelligence
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
