Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
