Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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