we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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