and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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