You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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