I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
