There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
