thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
