I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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