yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
