I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
