How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
