I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
