what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
