Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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