Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
