I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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