I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
even my farts smell like vagina
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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