Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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