I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
