her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
