OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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