why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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