I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
