laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
