Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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