He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
