i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
